Potty Training Hurdles

When should I start potty training? What is the best strategy to use when potty training? What if my child refuses to potty train? The rewards aren’t working! What do I do now?

Do any of these questions sound familiar? You are not alone if you are a parent struggling to potty train your toddler. I have done it twice and really can’t tell you I used any type of “science”. Something just finally worked. Recently a family member and I spoke about her difficulties in potty training her nearly 4 year old son. “He shows no interest and simply refuses to go on the potty!” What do you do when you feel like you’ve tried everything? Rewards, bribes, threats, those pants-free weekend potty retreats- NOTHING WORKS! My advice for her, “It may be time to relax and back off for awhile.”

After you are sure there are no medical reasons for your child’s refusal to use the toilet, it may be that they are not mentally ready for this step or it may be pure stubborness. Sometimes they learn that by NOT going on the potty gets them more attention than possibly going on the potty would so taking a step back can often help make the transition. When your child realizes they do not get attention for going potty in their pants/diaper, they just may quit. Natural consequences may take their course such as them noticing other children their age going on the potty and getting praise for it.

Some children really respond to the reward system of learning. If you know there is something your child really enjoys or really wants, I say use it! Sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Make it as small as possible because it can get expensive. My oldest child responded well to getting a sticker for his chart (see below)each time he went potty. After a designated number of stickers were obtained, he received a prize of his choice. On the other hand, my 2nd born needed no reward and simply went in his own sweet time. He was potty trained by about age 3 and that was just fine in my book.

Most importantly, don’t get too frustrated. It can seem embarrassing when you feel your child should be potty trained yet she refuses. In actuality, it has nothing to do with you. Your child will use the potty when she is good and ready (medical issues aside) and you can’t do much at changing that. Figuring out the personality of your child and how to handle it is a very helpful tool to get you through this time. The books below are some of my favorites for this sometimes less than desireable hurdle in your toddler’s life.

Potty training chart: Chart and Stars