Is Your Child Being Bullied?

Bullying is a topic I feel so strongly about as a parent and teacher. The problem seems to be getting worse and yet parents and school districts seem to be clueless as to what to do. AHHHHH!!!

It is interesting because as I socialize on the weekends with friends and I meet new, amazing parents we inevitably begin discussing education and all that comes along with it once they find out I have been in the classroom for 13 years. The conversation often turns to stories of their child who has been bullied by another student in school. These stories break my heart. No child should have to suffer every day at the hands (or words) of another student.

In defense of the schools, bullies are smart. They know how to hide it and typically do not show any aggression in front of an adult. After all, they know it is wrong. The saddest part of the whole thing, is they (the bully) are seeking to fill a void that they need filled. I find this very disheartening. Anyway, the victims of these bullies often never tell anyone and simply take the bullying until it gets out of hand and has somehow injured them either physically or mentally. This is where Bully Education comes in. We must educate our children on what bullying is and how to handle it so they are prepared when faced with it personally. Children are not equipped with the life skills to problem solve situations they have not encountered. When you really think it through, the amount of time they have had on earth with the mental capacity to solve ANY problem is well under a decade so education for them is essential in order to be successful in these areas. Schools have picked up the pace with Bully Education Classes. In my school, our school psychologist schedules times with teachers to come in and educate, role play, share personal experiences, and offer problem solving strategies to students if and when they are faced with a situation of bullying. We teach the concept that “A Bully Bystander is just as Guilty as the Bully Himself”. In other words, standing by and letting someone get bullied is unacceptable. You must do your part to help others out. Frankly I feel the world population has grown much too complacent to violence. Can you imagine watching a young teenage girl getting kicked and beaten by another teenage girl in public and doing nothing about it? Well it happened and it wasn’t just one person that watched…it was 4-5 security officers as well!

A Real Life Story. I have always been a very sensitive person. I remember even as a young, extremely shy girl, never wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings. So as you can imagine, tears welled up in my eyes over this next story. A new friend, whom I had just met through a neighbor began telling me about her beautiful daughter who suffered from Turrets Syndrome. She is a 13 year old girl which is one of the most difficult times of life anyway but her pain did not begin here, it started about 3 years ago.
Because of the symptoms Turrets brings, sudden body movements and uncontrollable noises, some students were unaccepting of her differences. Other girls were not only judgmental but downright cruel. She was called names, pushed, and teased. Needless to say, she had no friends. It got to the point that she had to sit in the office to eat lunch where she would sit for an hour and not even touch her food.
Another amazing part of the story to me was when this strong mother told me that the school had contacted the mother of the girl who had been doing the bullying denied her daughter would do anything like that and did not believe the allegations. Who pulled the wool over her eyes? Just because you attend church each Sunday, your child dresses nicely, and she is head of the cheerleading squad, doesn’t mean she isn’t a bully. Open your eyes, be a parent and become involved. This is the only sure way to find out what your child is really like with his/her peers. Read my blog about getting involved in your child’s school and getting to know their teacher.

What Has Happened Since? Now, as I sit here and type this, I feel rage in my heart and tears are streaming down my face. How can young children possibly be so cruel? My new friend, this beautiful young girl’s mom did not sit idly by. Thankfully, she has a wonderfully open relationship and her daughter opened up about the bullying. So, immediately the school was contacted and some changes slowly took place. Again, we are back to the point that bullies are sneaky and they don’t commit the “crime” where adults will see. Unfortunately it wasn’t over for her as due to her Turrets, she is followed by many bullies that love to tease and be unaccepting of her differences. It takes perserverence on the part of the parent for several reasons. 1. Children often go home to share their experiences and don’t tell school personnel 2. The school has hundreds of children they are trying to help so let them know when you have specific information. 3. You know your child best so when you notice something is wrong, go with your instinct.

Discuss your child’s needs with their teacher. One amazing teacher of my friend’s child provided special academic accommodations to help with any feelings of inadequacy in school. Her medication made it difficult to finish homework because she got sleepy at night and couldn’t finish everything. So her teacher graded her on what she DID finish. She was given and adjusted spelling list and so on. This was such a blessing. Great teachers see the value in accommodations and will work with you on these very unique situations.

What to do?
I feel so strongly about the implementation of anti-bullying campaigns in schools. Too many kids are falling through the cracks for many reasons but no child deserves to go to school each day and be harassed for being themselves. We need to teach acceptance, tolerance, and understanding to our children at home. Sadly, the opposite is inadvertently taught at home. Things must change to turn around our society of depressed, anxious adolescent children. We wonder why we see such an increase in teen pregnancies, eating disorders, and addictions. Open your eyes and really see what these children have to deal with on a daily basis. It’s a far cry from what we faced even 25 years ago.

We must be our child’s strongest advocate. They depend on you to be there for them, support them and fight for them. Don’t let them down. They have no one else. I know as a school teacher I want to protect each and every one of my students but the sad truth is, I don’t know everything that happens on the playground. When I don’t know, I can’t help. If you are every faced with this situation yourself, go to the teacher first. If you don’t get results, go to the principal and ultimately to the district. You do what it takes to make your child feel safe loved, and to provide them the childhood they deserve.

Understanding and communication can go a long way. That means not only with teachers, school officials, and medical professionals, but most importantly with your child.